Indiana Jones and Die Hard are Basically the Same Series

I’ve had this theory for a while now — ever since the fourth installments were announced for both series. They were two of the great trilogies, and they had to be milked for more cash years down the road. Star Wars fell to the same fate, even more spectacularly, though. I figured with Indiana Jones and Kingdom of the Crystal Skull coming out at midnight, this would be a good time, especially since this 4th Indiana Jones movie might screw up my theory. Let me string out all the parallels between the two series so you can see how similar they really are.

Die Hard and Raiders of the Lost Ark

– Held up as classics within their genre, and are always brought up when it comes to discussing the most entertaining movies of all-time.

– Anything else I could say here is encompassed by the fact that they are both incredible movies.

(If it weren’t for Star Wars, I could say that they both made their stars action heroes.)

Die Harder and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

– The black sheep within their respective series.

– Arguably “darker” than the other installments. One has a plane full of people crashing, the other has hearts being ripped out.

– The weakest sidekicks. One has an annoying Asian kid and a screaming woman, while the other has a janitor and a weird-sounding black dude.

Die Hard with a Vengeance and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

– Usually regarded as the second-best in their series, with some people preferring these over the originals (these people are insane, though).

– Star power in the sidekick role. Samuel L. Jackson and Sean Connery bring the awesome.

– A return to the villains of the original. The former has the brother of the villain of the original, the latter brings the Nazis back.

Live Free or Die Hard and Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (this is before me seeing the latter)

– Released over a decade after the 3rd installment.

– Probably the most ridiculous premise of each series.

– Young white guy sidekick. One annoying, and one not-as-annoying. (NONONONONO)

– More noticable CG effects than the other three combined (from what I saw in the trailer).

Ok, I’m obviously pushing it here with the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I haven’t seen it, so I shouldn’t be comparing. But I can also make some distinctions with the fourth movies in these series.

Live Free or Die Hard basically only had Bruce Willis back, and it had a lower MPAA rating than the rest of the series. Kingdom of the Crystal Skull has Spielberg directing — just like the other three — which is obviously very important. Only Die Hard 1 and 3 had John McTiernan behind the camera, and it showed. The excuse for Temple of Doom comparatively sucking is Spielberg giving Lucas too much say.

In summary, I feel like this installment of Indiana Jones isn’t going to be the debacle that Live Free or Die Hard was, but I can’t see it stacking up to the two best Indiana Jones films. If anything, it has a shot at eclipsing Temple, much like some people feel Live Free or Die Hard surpassed Die Harder. I’m not even sure I can give it that, as Live Free can barely be called a Die Hard film.

And if you cite the high critic ratings — Live Free and Die Hard was well-reviewed too. Watch the fans of the series rank this installment where it really belongs. I really do hope it’s high, I just doubt it.


~ by CajoleJuice on May 21, 2008.

93 Responses to “Indiana Jones and Die Hard are Basically the Same Series”

  1. Indy owned. This is the writeup of forever

  2. Suck a dick, Cajole.

  3. Now that doesn’t seem very Ghaleon-like.

  4. If you thought that this film had a chance of eclipsing Temple of Doom, you thought wrong. Entertaining, yes, but not as good as Temple.

    But then again, I think Temple was better than Crusade, so what do I know?

  5. I just watched the Last Crusade the other day and it dawned on me how it was very similar to Dan Brown’s “DaVinci Code” Both have people following clues to find the holy grail.

    great write up, and I will agree with you that the 2nd installment in each was the weakest of the trilogy. Have not seen the 4th of either, yet.

  6. I dunno if you were the only one to see the similarities on this one, I’ve always seen a bit of similarities in the two series in terms of quality, and the reception to Kingdom of the Crystal skull is just as I suspected….except that it may be worse. My buddy who saw LFoDH with me (we agreed that it was a good enough entry, albeit more over the top than ever with a shit villain) often knows what he’s talking about when we talk movies & he saw Indy at midnight last night….and did not have excellent things to say. He actually put it kind of “meh”, while his girlfriend (who also saw LFoDH with us and agreed) called it fucking awful and an abomination to the series.

    SO, I dunno. The similarities may be debunked (unfortunately). I’m kinda scared of wasting money on it now (the rest of my friends have been totally scared off). Looks like I’ll just bootleg it. When would a decent torrent show up for a film with this wide of release? Can’t be much more than a week, right?

  7. I was hoping Spielberg would keep it decent at least. :\

    I really don’t know the timetable on movie bootlegs — I’m not too big on downloading/watching them.

  8. me neither, but this is really a film you have to see, just so you know what you’re talking about. Typically, my movie resources have a conclusive opinion on what a movie’s like – no one can describe this movie to me. It’s fucking bizarre, like an anomaly of filmmaking. I’ve got to see it just to see how much of an outcast really is. I’m expecting some wacky shit.

    BTW, most people are blaming this one on Lucas, saying Spielberg really added none of his usual touches to the film (outside of his latest case of “far too optimistic” endings). A lot of people IRL describe it to me as the “Mutt & Indy” show rather than just a straight indy film. Like, he uses his whip only twice or something. Seriously, what the fuck.

    Some dude I know was like “I have no clue what I saw…good or bad…but it surely wasn’t an Indiana Jones movie.”

  9. If that last statement is true, then my theory holds perfectly!

  10. Then again, the person said basically the same thing about casino Royale, so I dunno!

    All the torrents out now seem to be poor quality. Probably be something good by Monday or so.

  11. Oh and Skip, I’m going with the general consensus here on ranking the films. I personally haven’t watched Temple or Crusade in a while. Shit, I can’t remember the last time I watched Temple.

  12. I’m gonna watch them all tonight. I haven’t seen any of them in ages. Shit, watching Raiders atm and I don’t think I ever saw this movie the whole way through – god damn, there’s some mean gore in this film!

  13. harrison ford dated ally mcbeal

  14. Very insightful. And he still is, actually.

  15. Joel…fix your friends some drinks.


  16. Joel…Fix your friends some drinks!

  17. Joel, fix your friends some drinks!

  18. joel, fix your friends some drinks, por favor!

  19. I hate you.

  20. joel get your friends some drinks……..JOOOOOOOOELLLLLLL


  22. Hhahahahaha Emma said



  25. BANNED

    (not really)

  26. You can’t ban me! I’ll own you in Super Smash you closet Nintendo-fanboy!

  27. More like “recovering Nintendo fanboy.”

  28. YOU DON’T LIKE DIE HARD ANYMORE?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!

  29. I made some Spanish rice tonight!!! FINISH YOUR SALAD FIRST JOELLL!! JOELLLLLLL!!!

  30. I personally think Wesley Snipes is better than Samuel Jackson. My point is best seen in the greatness of Blade series over Pulp Fiction. I mean the man is intrepid enough to avoid his taxes after Blade Trinity and all Sam does is Snakes on a Plane. Die Hard does suck.


  32. My real feeling is that Muse is kinda overrated. Basically Radiohead with some techno mixed in…plus the fact that their music appears in GTA IV only makes it worse.


  34. hahahahah

  35. Mr. Leche comes down here…AND DONATES HIS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  36. TWISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  37. I hate Jim Carrey and love men.

  38. I want to suck on Josh Beckett’s wang piece!

  39. Guys, shut up I am getting you all drinks and Entenmann’s cookies. Emma will protect me.

  40. I ❤ GAF more than titties!!

  41. Where’s my M & M’s? YOU ATE ALL MY FUCKING ENTEMANNS!!!!!

  42. Impostors. lolz. Just look at the pic on the side of this comment. Real CajoleJuice confirmed.

  43. pleaze i own with my avatar. PR>Cajole reigns


  45. Life is Good 😀

  46. Hellllo? Hellooooo?

  47. Joel you are being weird, again

  48. TWO CREDITS!!!!


  50. I wanna cum all over David Wright’s face


  52. Dios mio me enacanta los beechos en mi boca!!!!!!!

  53. I beat you in 5K’s while Christopher is out back with Big Mike benchpressing refrigerators

  54. LONDON!! LONDON!!!

  55. Where in the world am I?

  56. This is where I’ve been!


  58. I would jizz on Muse if I had the chance

  59. I love Pilot Wings and Monkey Ball!

  60. Hahahaha Jesse Walsh said this…MASTURBATE FUCKAH!!!


  62. The hype for the new Batman is going so out of control that Joel is gonna cum all over the screen when my first scene comes on…to think that if only I were still alive, the movie would only get half the hype it’s getting now

  63. Actually my real name is Heath Deadger

  64. My sport is for a bunch of pussy Europeans!

  65. I used to do gay porn but now I deny it!

  66. Hi Joel, this is your biology teacher. Stop farting and making me pass out from the terrible stench after I kick you out of class!

  67. Draw the balls hahahahaha make the shaft……Give me that pencil and I will break it on my forehead!!!


  69. You boys are so immature, I can’t believe you all talk like this and to think we all hung out!

  70. Shut up you got some big ass titties

  71. I broke Coach Cox’s fungo bat for April Fool’s hehehehe

  72. Put down the controller and come touch my titties

  73. I rubbed Tori’s booty like it was a genie’s bottle. Come on and take a spin!

  74. Joel, my titties are perkier and more robust than Tori’s put down the controller and rub mine.

  75. Garrett is out of his mind.

  76. I bet she could fit 2 up there!

  77. Hey guys she wiped and I made her look at a pic of her husband

  78. All right me and u in the eiffel tower

  79. Shut up guys we didn’t eiffel tower. Bachy rules!

  80. I love meatless barbeques.

  81. I like to smoke my meat, I mean smoked meat.

  82. I like midnight plunders!


  84. Joel wants my wang! I was fired unfairly, come save me Joel!

  85. Joel!! You’re having a grad party bbq and you didn’t tell your friends! Tell your friends and get them some drinks!

  86. I like when Lillian cooks me pancakes and eggs. I have a high chair at the dinner table too!

  87. Emma is my big sister.

  88. I hope Emma gives birth to puppies who would be my nieces and nephews…I will cook filet mignon for them and nurse then milk from my nipples

  89. Joel make sure you tweeze your nipple hairs before!!! Joel squeeze your friends some drinks

  90. I wear diapers in my little brother’s house when I am in heat. Joel cleans up my menstrual juices.

  91. I don’t dress conservatively! I WONT MAKE YOU DRINKS NOW!!!

  92. I grew up a closet Mets fan! I always pretended to like the Yankees but now I can fully support how shitty the Mets are! Oh, and I want a few licks at David Wright’s sack!

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