12 Blogging Tips That I’m Apparently Not Following

I’ll admit I get some traffic on this blog, but I’m pretty sure it’s mostly bot spam, judging by the number of comments I get. I came across an article on Digg that caught my eye, as most blogging tip lists do. Not that I follow them, or even read them. But I did read this one…

The original article. And now I self-evaluate:

1. Write from the heart

Hey, I do that! Who else would talk about what everyone knows to be true, that Tom Brady is pure evil? I let my fandom get the best of me in all my sports-related posts, I do my best to rip on Halo whenever possible, and every movie review I post immediately after a theater-viewing usually turns into a gushing pile of text. I write about whatever is on my mind without holding back. I wish I had a joke to wrap this up. This post is already doomed for failure.

2. Be insanely useful

Already in trouble here. Are animated gifs useful? How about YouTube videos? I did send a random person a Hulu invite; that can only be construed as extremely helpful and useful. That social networking/Hulu post is probably the only truly useful thing I’ve posted in a while. Hmm, I’ll try to think of some ideas to change this fact. Maybe HOW TO MAKE ANIMATED GIFS!

3. Keep the reader’s problems in mind

Sorry, I have enough problems of my own. I can’t think about your problems, reader. I just try post as much inane crap as possible, so you can forget about your pitiful existence for a few short moments. (But if you have any suggestions, I’m open.)

4. Don’t just write about yourself

I know this isn’t livejournal.com. Moving on.

5. Interact with readers

I make sure to respond to pretty much every comment on this blog, no matter how stupid, belligerent, or ill-informed. Just look at the plethora of comments on the Tom Brady and Bear Grylls posts. I take care of my four readers.

6. Give them a reason to come back

Shouldn’t good, regular posting be enough to achieve this? The original article says to “build anticipation.” Should I announce that I have cock pics incoming? Or exclusive Jessica Alba nudes next week? Maybe I could improve this when I set up WordPress on my own webspace. Polls! More column sidebars! Hulu embedded videos!

7. Write catchy headlines

This could possibly use some work, but I have plenty of gems. Anything with “Anti-Christ” is obviously an attention-grabber, and I liked “To Rock Band, or Not to Rock Band” and “Tightening Up the Blog Posts on Level Three.” Come on! Those are awesome.

8. On social media

Just made a post about all this ridiculous Web 2.0 stuff. The problem with them is that you actually need FRIENDS ON THEM to help popularize your posts. Build a Digg network — or maybe now a Pownce network — and you’ll get traffic. Surprisingly, Digg managed to help my “Tom Brady is the Anti-Christ” post get a shitload of traffic, but I’ve seen nothing of the sort happen to any of the other posts I dugg, including my sequel to it (which I felt was vastly superior). I think I can safely say that my biggest triumph was getting linked by Deadspin. Too bad I didn’t utilize that in any way. At all.

9. Guest posting

Hey, I let Justin post stuff on here when he feels like it. Anyone — that I know — is welcome to contribute! If it doesn’t suck.

10. Reveal yourself

I’m fairly hesitant about talking about my personal life in here. On the other hand, it’s not like my personal life would actually be interesting to anyone at this point in time. But I think stating that I’m e-stalking an internet celebrity is pretty revealing. Of a lot of things.

11. Don’t be afraid to try new things

I cover a vast network of topics. Movies, games, books (once in a blue moon), TV shows, the internet, sports, random funny stuff…I really don’t know what else I could cover with any level of intelligent writing. I guess I could always pretend I’m an expert on subjects I know absolutely nothing about. Kinda like that guy that wrote a review for Mass Effect WITHOUT LEVELING UP HIS CHARACTERS.

12. Focus on the essential

I think this means more posts with boobs.

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~ by CajoleJuice on February 14, 2008.

3 Responses to “12 Blogging Tips That I’m Apparently Not Following”

  1. Reminds me why I got in the business – to tell random Googlers what kind of shit they should be entertained by.

  2. I have to admit that you do a good job for a high school kid.

  3. aaaah *blushes*

    <3<3<3

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