Die Hard 4 Rated PG-13? Debacle Confirmed

I’ve tried to be optimistic about this movie since it was announced. I’ve tried to tell myself that Fox wouldn’t completely fuck up a perfectly good trilogy. Rocky Balboa, even though the premise reached a new level of parody, managed to stay true to the good old Rocky formula and made up for the disaster that was Rocky V. Terminator 3, while not nearly as great a film as either of its predecessors, managed to deliver more than enough awesome action. So I thought, “Why can’t Die Hard 4.0 do the same?” Never in my darkest nightmares did I imagine this.

Every bit of news and footage that has been released for this movie has pointed to it being a disgrace. The director of Underworld. Mac Guy. McClane with a completely shaved head a la Vic Mackey. Kevin Smith. The spinning CG car in the teaser trailer. A showdown between an 18-wheeler and a fighter jet. Everything has made this fourth installment look as if its going to be generic 00’s summer action movie #394. Yet I still maintained my resolve to see the movie opening weekend, as it would be my first Die Hard in theaters (I was only 9 when With A Vengeance came out).

Yesterday, I read news that shattered what little hope I had left. Live Free or Die Hard (I wonder if Die Hard 4.0 still an official name too) is very likely to be cut down in order to receive a PG-13 rating. If this happens, I’m done. I can’t top this tirade over at AICN, so I’m not going to write much more. But to sum up, the Die Hard series, along with most of Arnold’s work, has served as the definition of R-rated action movies. If Live Free or Die Hard is released as a gimped PG-13, it will be a crime against men everywhere. Teenagers nowadays probably barely know Die Hard, if they do at all. Trying to cash in on that audience is not only a fatal stab in the back to every Die Hard fan, it’s just plain stupid. The backlash against such a move would more than even out any possible benefit. The internet is already revolting, and once the general public hears of this news, millions of men 20 and older will show Fox what they think of their decision by not going. In the sea of PG-13 blockbusters this summer, Die Hard 4 was supposed to be a beacon of over-the-top violence and profanity. Now McClane won’t even be able to say “Yippie-kay-yay-motherfucker.” FUCK YOU FOX

At this point, I think this skit from The Ben Stiller Show would make for a more entertaining film:

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~ by CajoleJuice on May 3, 2007.

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