Will There Ever Be Another “Battlefield Earth”?

Of course, what I’m asking is if there will ever be a movie to challenge its crown as the biggest theatrical joke in recent history. Just look at that picture. What is going on in the crotch area? Why did Forest Whittaker take up a starring role in this movie? These are questions I’m not sure I want answered.

I don’t even know where to start because I’ve never actually seen the movie. Maybe I should just for research purposes. But then I look at that picture again. Holy crap. I have no doubt the only reason this movie saw the light of day is due to Scientology funding and the fact that John Travolta used his star power after Pulp Fiction to push the movie as hard as possible. The movie was based on a book by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard. According to Wikipedia, Travolta described the book as “”like Pulp Fiction for the year 3000″and “like Star Wars, only better.” Wow, Tom Cruise had a great example to learn from when it came to turning insane.

Fortunately, the movie was one of the biggest box office flops in history, and apparently, this soured Travolta on the whole Scientology deal – which is why Tom Cruise had to pick up the crazy torch. Battlefield Earth was supposed to make Travolta the biggest movie star in the world, but it only served to destroy the progress he had made since Pulp Fiction. Scientology had failed him.

There’s been a few contenders to the crown since this trainwreck was released, such as Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever, Ultraviolet, and a bunch of other lower-budget movies. But none of these allowed for Scientology jokes nor did any have operating and advertising budgets nearly as large as Battlefield Earth. And most importantly, none had John Travolta dressed up like that playing a character named Terl. We may never see so many factors come together to make a movie as entertaining to mock as Battlefield Earth.

The only hope is that the rumored movie, “The Thetan” will be made by Tom Cruise and will star Victoria Beckham (a.k.a. Posh Spice). I’m pretty sure that whole news story was an elaborate joke, but the internet ate it up because everyone wants it to happen. It’s just too perfect.

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~ by CajoleJuice on April 4, 2007.

5 Responses to “Will There Ever Be Another “Battlefield Earth”?”

  1. This is funny…It’s funnier because I almost ended up as an extra in this film. Ah, well…

  2. You might have had the chance to get the inside scoop on Scientology.

  3. Gigli was up there, although it wasn’t as bad of a movie as this one is described as (I haven’t seen it either).

  4. Yea, that’s definitely a disaster that slipped my mind.

  5. Off point, no doubt, but the dudes in the pictures don’t seem to be in proper proportion, particularly south of the equator.

    I wonder if that particular portion of the aesthetic had any egotistical input from J.T.

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