2007 Baseball Predictions
This year looks to be pretty damn tough to predict. Even the big teams have their weaknesses and question marks – mostly when it comes to pitching. The AL Central looks like it’s going to be an absolute battle, and the NL Central will be one as well too, but just between more mediocre teams. I still can’t believe the Cardinals won the World Series. How in God’s name did that happen? They won 83 games. What the fuck. The NL still sucks.
Anyhow, with further ado, here are my totally unfounded, amateurish predictions for the 2006 MLB season.
1. Yankees – At this point, it’s like the Braves were for the past decade. Until someone takes the division crown from them, you can’t bet against them.
2. Red Sox – Dice-K looked impressive during the spring, and their lineup still has the fucking terrifying combination of Manny and Ortiz.
3. Blue Jays – Their lineup is pretty damn good this year with the addition of Frank Thomas, and they have a formidable one-two punch at the top of the rotation with Halladay and Burnett, but this is their rightful place in this division.
4. Devil Rays – For some reason, I don’t think they’ll lose 100 games this season.
5. Orioles – When I’m putting you below the Devil Rays, you obviously suck.
AL Central (a.k.a. The Toughest Division to Predict in the History of Mankind)
1. White Sox – I’m a big Ozzie Guillen fan. Yep, that’s why they’re going to win this division.
2. Tigers – The way the Tigers kept all their players, but added one big bat (Sheffield) reminds me of what the White Sox did after they won the World Series. That didn’t turn out as perfectly as everyone expected; although, the Tigers didn’t go all the way last year.
3. Indians – Apparently, they had one of the most confusingly bad seasons on record last year, and they’re due for a little better record this time around. Unfortunately, they still play in the toughest division in baseball.
4. Twins – It’s a shame this isn’t softball and Johan Santana can’t pitch every game.
5. Royals – At least this prediction is set in stone.
1. Texas Rangers – I’m summoning the Law of Buck Showalter here.
2. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim – Everyone seems to be getting on their bandwagon in this division. They can’t overcome one of the natural laws though.
3. Oakland Athletics – It might be surprising that they won’t make the playoffs, but they never go anywhere anyway.
4. Seattle Mariners – I feel sorry for Ichiro.
1. New York Mets – Sure, the starting pitching is a massive question mark, and the bullpen isn’t quite where it used to be, but the lineup will carry them until Pedro comes back. I hope.
2. Philadelphia Phillies -They also have a powerhouse lineup, so they’ll no doubt give the Mets a run for their money. The starting staff is fairly solid from front to back as well.
3. Atlanta Braves – They did patch up their bullpen a bit, and the team really is solid all-around. But I hate him. Third it is.
4. Florida Marlins – I don’t see them pulling out another amazing year like they did last time around.
5. Washington Nationals – The only interesting thing about following this team will be seeing if they break the all-time losses record.
1. Houston Astros – This is for you MiG. I really think they can do it, too.
2. St. Louis Cardinals – Pujols, Pujols, Pujols. HGH, HGH, HGH.
3. Cincinnati Reds – I predict that Aaron Harang will actually receive at least one Cy Young vote this year. And that Ken Griffey Jr. will play in less than 100 games.
4. Milwaukee Brewers – Should be halfway decent this year; I might even have them a bit low. But then I remember that they’re the Brewers.
5. Chicago Cubs -The Soriano pick-up was nice. I think that young phenom Mark Prior could really make a difference if he’s called up this summer.
6. Pittsburgh Pirates – Awful. Only Pittsburgh could fuck up the new stadium formula for winning.
1. Los Angeles Dodgers – Possibly the best rotation in baseball. I really do not see them having any trouble running away with this division.
2. San Diego Padres – Jake Peavy will return to form; David Wells will as well. Unfortunately for Wells, that ends up with him getting body parts amputated.
3. Arizona Diamondbacks – I just realized how little I know about this division.
4. San Francisco Giants – Here’s to hoping Hank Aaron is pulled over drunk one night with Barry Bonds dead in his trunk.
5. Colorado Rockies – Who even gives a shit at this point?
I guess I’ll go and do some playoff predictions as well.
Wild Cards: Tigers, Phillies
AL Champs: Tigers
NL Champs: Mets (If you saw my previous choice, I was trying too hard to be objective. But fuck it, the Mets just looked great against the Cardinals. I don’t know what I was thinking.)
And the Tigers pitching staff will be able to throw to first base this year and they will win the World Series.
Now you might be wondering why I didn’t pick the “Sons of Showalter” to win it all. The reason for this is that when the Rangers win their ALDS series, Showalter will finally snap and suicide bomb the Rangers’ clubhouse, taking half the team with him.