New Blog Address, Everyone

•February 22, 2009 • 2 Comments

I’ve had a domain wrapped up for a while now, and I just realized I’m a moron for not at least directing it here until I set up a self-hosted WordPress blog. Now everyone who has a link in their blogroll directed here has to change it, when — if they added it recently — it could’ve been in the first place. Well, you guys don’t HAVE to change it, but it’d be nice, since new content isn’t going to be posted here anymore. But I’ll leave this ol’ thing up here, just so the old self-referencing links on the new site still direct somewhere.

Thanks to the few people that actually read my posts, and a big thanks to people who have linked here. I hope you join me in the move.

I need to make a real-life move soon, too.

So in case you missed it, that’s


The Scientific Trilogy Meter

•February 18, 2009 • 8 Comments

There’s an arbitrary ranking of movie trilogies — some that aren’t even trilogies — making its rounds on the internet. I will not post it here, because I do not support such unfounded and capricious internet items. We need critics to tell us which films to pay to see; we need the mass of Asberger’s afflicted IMDB users to inform us of which movies are infallible classics, like The Dark Knight, the 6th greatest movie of all-time. No, I will not let such a ranking stand, a ranking in which The Terminator is put far below its sequel; a ranking in which Temple of Doom and The Last Crusade are equally entertaining; a ranking that counts the first three Star Trek films as a trilogy while not even including the Bourne trilogy. A true analysis of these trilogies is needed, and I am just the man to provide it.

With my trusty Microsoft Excel 2008 program, I plugged in ratings from both IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes, and averaged them, to come up with what should be the universally accepted rankings of these movie “trilogies”.

Perfect. Except for having Die Harder being ranked above Die Hard with a Vengeance. But you know what? There are crazies out there that like With a Vengeance more than the original Die Hard. This is a “fuck you” to them.

And OK, I can’t end this post without at least posting a link to the original Trilogy Meter.

It’s Time to Start Playing TF2 Again

•February 17, 2009 • 2 Comments

The Scout update isn’t even here yet, but just the fact that I know that it is imminent has me ready to jump back into the multiplayer FPS of recent history. The new unlockable weapon pictured above only adds to the anticipation. Just in time for spring training.

Details (and future details) found at the Scout update site here.

The farther the ball flies before ricocheting offa some chucklehead’s skull, the longer he’s gonna be stunned. And guys who think they’re tough because they’re invulnerable? It works on them too. Now the bad news: You can’t double jump when you’re carrying this little beauty.

I’m really curious as to how the Sandman’s mechanics work, exactly. There has to be a delay for the Scout to toss the ball up to himself, no? And I imagine it will be extremely hard to hit distant targets, as the stun time time increases with flight length. It’s probably a pretty high arching ball, and I wonder if people will be able to consciously dodge them. I’m sure ubered Heavies would be glad to know they could dodge these balls as they fly across the level.

There are plenty of days on that Scout update site, so I’m hoping there are a bunch of new maps added as well. It’ll be fun to see if Valve can top this genius with the Scout’s other two weapons. Although, they do seem to leave the best for last in these pages, so I’m pretty freaking excited. You should be too. It’s amazing how Valve has kept the love of this game so high by creating substantial additions and spreading them out perfectly.  And it’s all free. Valve has pretty much cemented itself as the greatest gaming company of the past few years.

The Only Sport That Matters Started This Weekend

•February 16, 2009 • Leave a Comment

No, not stock car racing. Try the one known as the national pastime. Pitchers and catchers reporting > Daytona 500.

Now that the unprovoked NASCAR bashing is out of the way, it’s time to talk about baseball. Glorious, steroid-laden, over-romanticized baseball. I love baseball as much as anyone, but sanctimonious sportswriters can’t tell me that the game was pure before this whole steroids shitstorm. And that’s about all I’m going to say about that. Check out this Fangraphs post for awesome.

I just want the actual season to start, as I’m already sick of predictions and thoughts about the upcoming season, even ignoring the week long discussion of A-Rod. Even spring training games will suffice, as I will at least be able to see how pitiful the Mets’ collection of 5th starters is, and if Luis Castillo can still walk. I’ll be able to watch Daniel Murphy again, and see if J.J. Putz is as nasty as he once was.

This weekend was just the first step. For the next eight months, baseball will own my life, and it will be awesome.

Your Indie Song of the Week

•February 13, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Spoon – You Got Yr. Cherry Bomb

Now, I pretty much only listen to rock music, as is probably evident by the songs I have posted on here, but I find most indie “rock” bands to be total shit. I usually don’t even bother checking out any band classified as “indie rock” anymore. It’s almost all the same impotent, whiny, boring garbage. Spoon is a big exception to this personal rule of thumb. I actually had a hard time deciding which of their songs off of their latest album, Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga, to post. I chose this song because you probably have no soul if you don’t involuntarily move some part of your body to its beat. So unless you don’t have a soul, I recommend out of rest of the album, while I continue checking out the rest of Spoon’s entire discography.

Fuck My Life

•February 13, 2009 • 1 Comment

No, this is not a Livejournal post. This is about the website F*** My Life. I’m automatically reminded of (which looks much different than the last time I visited it years ago). Both are definitely 95% fake, but they’re still hilarious nonetheless. Grouphug was about confessions, though, which made many posts skew towards deviant behavior. FML is about just getting owned by life, which is perfect for the internet generation. Though I guess there’s plenty of perverseness on FML.

Better than me writing about the site anymore, I’ll just post some of my favorites:

Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML

Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don’t have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years sent me a text messages saying, “Don’t worry I’m gonna break up with her soon. Love you.” FML

Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML

Today, I looked at the facebook of the girl I really liked, and I saw she wrote on her friend’s wall “Last night was the biggest mistake of my life.” We hooked up last night. FML

Today, I’m in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working with them. Only the form of excitement I used apparently refers to sexual excitement. Basically, I told the kids I was sexually aroused to be working with them. FML

Ok, I think you get the point.

Joaquin Phoenix Has to be Punking Us

•February 12, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Seriously, for his sake, I really hope this is an extremely drawn-out hoax.